This list is directed at all the men who are so overwhelmed by political correctness that they have no idea where to start. Let’s start with treating the people around you like they actually are people who are trying to go about their day and don’t owe you jack shit. Some of you are really struggling with this, and I hear you. I do. A. LOT. So here are a few quick-and-dirty bits of advice for how to navigate the harsh and unpredictable world of not being a douchecanoe to your fellow humans.
1. Do not tell women to smile.
If they wanted to be smiling, they would be. If you want someone to smile, you can say something funny, but sometimes you’re just not in the mood. Get your forced positivity out of the faces of random women you see on the street – keep your mouth shut and use that energy to ask yourself – really ask yourself – why you get the impulse to do that.
2. Do not make unnecessary comments about peoples’ bodies, clothes, grooming choices, or general appearance.
Most people are too polite to tell you to piss off if you tell them you think it’s gross when women don’t shave their legs or if you think their outfit doesn’t flatter their figure (read: make them look thin) or if you have an opinion on how many piercings or tattoos you have. Most people. But some people will tell your ass off or knock your ass out, so keep your helpful hints to yourself.
3. Don’t touch strangers.
I don’t care if they have the fluffiest hair you’ve ever seen or you just love the feel of velvet so much that you’d drape yourself in it if it were socially acceptable. Unless your performing CPR or saving someone from certain death, keep your dirty hands to yourself.
4. Don’t catcall.
Seriously. You know it’s not a compliment and you know it’s not going to get you sex or a date or fucking anything. You’re trying to make yourself feel better or make your friends laugh or assure yourself of your own masculinity. It’s weaksauce and it stops now.
5. Don’t ask deeply personal questions of LGBTQIA+ people.
You don’t ask your straight, cisgendered friends about their sex lives or genital situation or about how they might ever manage to attain the nuclear family of their dreams. Don’t even pretend like you, you don’t. It’s none of your business and it will only make the other person feel isolated and uncomfortable, and that is not a fair price to pay for the sake of satisfying your casual curiosity.
Send this to someone who needs to hear some hard truths, and write me a comment if you have tips, criticism, compliments, or memes for me. I love me some memes.