Orlando ♥

So, as some of you may know, I’m bi, and I haven’t posted about the Orlando shooting yet – and it’s not because I don’t support my LGBTQIA+ brothers and sisters. It’s because I’m still shocked. I don’t know what to say. I was still so shaken by the entire Stanford rapist thing, and before I could even sort through all those feelings, this Orlando thing happened.
Frankly, it’s overwhelming, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what combination of words would make any of this better, what appeal to reason or to the heart would be persuasive enough to someone who is dead set on hating anyone who’s different, on protecting their right to firearms regardless of the price, on finding any possible scapegoat other than lax gun laws to explain away how this shooting epidemic isn’t a shooting epidemic, even as the facts are very much stacked against them.
Finding the right words, the right argument, the right appeal, preparing statistics and syllogisms and pointing out logical inconsistencies… it all only works with people who are open to hearing that they are wrong (which most people are not prepared for) and on people who maintain some kind of relationship between reality and their worldview.
This is all so sickening. I’m too tired of all this to fight it right now. I am deeply saddened by the direction in which the U.S. is currently going, and I can feel the once blazing fame of my hope and optimism sputtering away like a dying campfire. I want to be angry. I want to be strong for you, kittens, but for the time being, I am shell-shocked and battle-weary. No more. No more.

Transgender genitals are none of your business… and other fun facts

So like, okay, so I’ve seen enough posts about the whole transgender bathroom issue, and I really didn’t want to add to it, but I just have to say something about this video some conservative guy posted about how easy it is for a man to walk into a woman’s bathroom… trying to prove it’s very easy to walk in to attack a woman, I GUESS.

Let’s unpack this a little bit. This might unsettle some of you, but most women’s bathrooms do not have bouncers. A number of men’s bathrooms don’t have them either – I’ve been in a couple myself for various reasons… the bathroom was being cleaned, the long-ass line to the women’s restroom was particularly nope-worthy, and in one instance, I worked at one place for a year and always used the men’s bathroom because I didn’t even realize there were two bathrooms. I assure you all that in all of those cases, my intentions were pure.

Yeah, so there are no genital scanners at the entrances of public restrooms, there’s nobody standing at the door checking ID’s, and a person of any gender can easily walk into whatever bathroom they choose, and that’s a good thing. Barriers to entry is not what anybody needs when nature calls, okay?

Next point: people don’t decide that it’s time to be transgender because they feel like getting their rocks off in Target’s bathroom. Being transgendered is something you’re born with, it’s something you live with; it’s not some kind of loophole people use to sexually assault women. I mean, look, there are a shocking number of cisgendered men who sexually assault women and do not ever get arrested, charged, convicted, or jailed for their offenses. Most of them get away with it. From the women who have come forward, rape kits are piling up and collecting dust, their lawyers warn them about the violative nature of pressing sexual assault charges, and the first question out of the mouths of many is still: “What was she wearing?”

Caring about violence against women is, of course, a very good and important first step to STOPPING violence against women… but you can’t stop an epidemic that doesn’t exist, see: transwomen attacking cis women in restrooms. The news isn’t there, because it isn’t happening. I see there have been a couple of men putting on wigs and tutus and harassing women in bathrooms, but that does not make them transgender, and it does not mean that society now has a free pass to punish innocent people who just want to pee without getting hassled.

If you want to combat violence against women, educate yourself about how and when and where and why it happens, volunteer in a battered women’s shelter, learn how to stop rape culture in its tracks, learn the red flags of abusive behavior, and stop harassing women who are trying to use the bathroom just because you think you have a right to police their genitals, because, you know what? Trying to keep women from using the bathroom in peace, regardless of their assigned-at-birth gender, is… kind of violent.

Knock it off.

I can’t even believe we’ve had to have this talk.