- What they ask: “What were you wearing?”
Some people operate under the false assumption that a person’s attire has something to do with their attack, such that a short skirt or dramatic cleavage can “provoke” an attack. Let me unburden you of this false assumption; people are assaulted all over the world no matter what they are wearing, and how insulting is it to men that we assume they can’t see someone in a short skirt without losing their control? Super insulting.
What they should ask: “Do you need a ride to the hospital?”
A sexual assault is a physically and psychologically traumatic event. Medical attention is necessary.
- What they ask: “Were you drunk?”
If rape were always the natural consequence of getting drunk, nobody would ever have a drink. Also, forget the fact that you can’t legally consent to any kind of sex when you’re drunk, nobody wants to hang out with the kind of person who forces drunk people into sexual situations they aren’t prepared to say “yes” to. Don’t be that guy.
What they should ask: “Let me buy you lunch. I could order Chinese?”
This question has it all: a kind offer to pick up the tab, a concern for the other person’s well-being, and most importantly, Chinese food.
- What they ask: “Were you flirting with the guy?”
Flirting does not equal consent. Flirting is a common and natural human interaction that, most of the time, doesn’t lead to sex, and it certainly shouldn’t lead to rape. So cut that shit out. Nobody is “asking for it.”
What they should ask: “Can I get you some tea? Or are you more of a hot chocolate person?”
Warm drinks are always a yes.
- What they ask: “Have you had a lot of other sexual partners?”I know this one’s going to be hard for some of you to accept, but no matter how many people a person choose to have sex with, at no point do they give up their right to say no. A person who’s had a lot of sexual partners isn’t “okay” to rape. It’s not okay to rape anyone. Am I getting through to some of you?
What they should ask: “Have you gotten tested for STDs and pregnancy? I know it’s scary, but it’s important, and I can come with you. And we can get sushi after.”
Not fun, but also important. Get tested so you know what you’re dealing with. It’s unfair and it sucks that you now have this problem to deal with, and I am sincerely sorry.
- What they ask: “Yeah, but did you secretly like it?”
I can’t even – the fuck is wrong with you, asking questions like that?! Get the fuck off my blog. I don’t want readers like you. Go find Jesus.
What they should ask: “Do you want me to sleep over tonight?”
As a survivor of rape/sexual assault, it can be hard to be alone. Sometimes, it’s really good to have a friend there to make you feel safe. Of course, if your friend really wants their space, you gotta respect that, too, fam.
- What they ask: “Did you fight back?”Discussing the details of a sexual attack is about as fun as writing this post (I’m really pissed off that I have to), so don’t force people into it. They’ll have enough of that to deal with if they decide to pursue legal action.
What they should ask: “Do you want to watch the new Spongebob movie?”
Fun, fabulous, and no scary rape scenes. A+ suggestion.
- What they ask: “What were you doing alone in a bar at night?”There is nothing wrong with treating yourself to a drink, nothing wrong with going out on your own if none of your friends are down for it. We live in a free society. A woman should be able to go out for drinks without having to fear sexual assault, right? Right.
What they should ask: “Do you want to talk about it, or if you want, we can just sit here and watch Netflix and basically ignore each other?”
Sometimes, this is all the socialization you can handle, and that’s okay.
Note to society: Please get your shit together. I do not want to have to write anything like this ever again. I’m truly horrified.